It's Important to Choose a Partner for Yourself and Your Children

Updated: Nov 7, 2021

How to Tell If Someone is Invested for the Long Haul


Vulnerability is the cornerstone of excellent writing. A writer's ability and willingness to be open and honest with their readers is a priceless gift. This piece is an exercise in vulnerability. Etched in my heart is a timeless story of love and romance. I will share with you the exact moment I knew that I had found my person. Not only would he one day become my husband, but he was also a hand-selected father figure for my daughter.

He chose me, and picking him in return was the best decision I have ever made!

I imagine my husband and I will have a grand wedding anniversary celebration. One that gathers all of our closest loved ones on a remote beach to celebrate our union under the stars.

I see the imagery clear. Our children, worry-free, will prance barefoot through the sands, laughing and living freely. The adults equally as carefree will partake of spirits and libations while listening to a crafted playlist. The night would end with exotic food from our personalized chef's menu, stiff drinks, and dancing until the sun peeked over the ocean.

At the height of the night, we lift our champagne glasses and toast to true love.


Here's the story I will share:

Engulfed in yet another one of our deep, life-altering conversations, my husband and I laughed as we both watched the sunrise from our separate bedrooms. Here we were, another night of exchanging rest for romance. Flashback to high school, this was the first time in over a decade that I could recall spending hours upon hours on the phone with a man. We were dating long distances, so in exchange for late-night rendezvous or weekday dates, we had to bond over text messages, video chats, and our imaginations;).

We planned my first trip to his town, St. Louis, almost 5+ hours away from my hometown in Illinois. I explained to him that as much as I would love to stay for the entire weekend, I did not want to be away from my daughter for three days. Something felt uneasy and wrong about sneaking out to be with my boyfriend for that long and not officially on vacation. Weird, but true.

Calmly as still waters, he politely responded, "If you're comfortable with the idea, she is more than welcome to join you. I have my daughter every weekend, and I am open to everyone's meeting. If you're ready for that?"

WAIT, WHAT?

Instead of encouraging me to stay longer or trying to appease my mommy's guilt by explaining why I deserve a break away from my daily duties, he extended the invite to bring my child along. Not only did he suggest that she accompany me, but he also went on to ask questions a previous suitor had never asked me.

He said, "can you tell me about her? What is she like? What does she enjoy? How can I make sure she is comfortable in my home?"

Up until this point, we both spent a significant amount of time talking about our daughters, but this conversation was different. We devoted the next couple of hours explaining our children to one another in preparation for their first encounter. The whole time I felt like he had a notepad and pen taking detailed notes on my child. My heart exploded.

That weekend was one of the best weekends of all of our lives. We attended a professional baseball game, toured the city of STL, played board games, ate meals at the dining table, watched movies, and genuinely enjoyed spending time together. Our first weekend gave us a taste of how our family unit would look. It was perfection, and only a foreshadow of a delightful future.

That weekend we spent time together, but our focus was always our children and their comfort. Several times through that weekend, he would ask, "Is she enjoying herself? Am I making a good impression on her? Is there anything I should be doing differently?"

I can not stress the importance of choosing a partner for yourself and your child(ren). There is a different level of peace that comes when you do not have to force your children to accept your partner or your partner to embrace your children. Engaging in a union where the two tolerate one another vs. truly love each other complicates an already tricky situation. Blended the family can be taxing on a relationship. The process of merging families can make or break a parent's bond with their child and make or break the relationship. It's a delicate situation that demands compassion and care. So when you are evaluating your new love interest, be sure to remember that.



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